This month I started over at work. I was promoted and had to start in a new location with new people, and new challenges. There is nothing better for me than new challenges, they bring out the best in me, everywhere I go and in everything I do.
In this case, it couldn’t have come at a more critical time. I was out of money, and out of my mind at my old location. It isn’t that I couldn’t take the people I worked with or any of that, I enjoyed working with them, and truly miss them, but I was in a rut and working below my level. It is hard when you’re capable of much more than what you’re doing, but don’t have the title to enforce it. My level of success has for the last few years been determined only by the ability of those above me, and until my last boss came, my level was above my manager’s. This is about as frustrating a situation as I can imagine for where I’ve worked. It hasn’t been good for my soul.
All this time, I was making, well, less per hour than my college summer job ten years ago, so it was even worse than it sounds in a lot of ways. Being a “management trainee” means you’re something of a wage slave. But I needed the more regular hours and lower stress of not being on the sales side of the team. The work I do is something I tend to do automatically, anyway, so I don’t have to think, in some ways, it just comes out right.
But the run-up to this point was not easy. I knew a position was being vacated and my old boss had a goal of getting me into it, at least as much as I had, and so I’ve been pushing even harder to get myself into this position than before, and as the time the position would come open drew closer, the tension increased, as we began to run short on money, and bills were getting more difficult to pay. I began to push myself even harder to make it, and my drive and focus is fairly unstoppable, I am a force of nature at times. This also took much longer than I thought it would. People weren’t leaving, and weren’t failing in their positions. The lack of vacancy kept me struggling for a long time. There was a point in time where my district manager wanted to install me in the store I am in now, and I had just made yet another desperation move to Berwyn. That was not a feasible drive.
This job represented so much more than just a liveable paycheck. I would finally have extra money to fund my business, to not be worried about rent at the end of every month. I would actually be able to eat more and healthier. So the tunnel vision formed, and I pushed, and I got the job, and things are stabilizing. I’m breathing, for once.
What has happened though, is the tunnel vision has made it difficult to keep up with people. I know some of you understand, and some of you don’t. If you haven’t been very active in my life, you probably don’t know what we’ve been going through. If you’re new in my life, you don’t know what we’ve gone through. There are things that I’ve sworn I would never have to do, and some of those have become everyday circumstances of life. I don’t really show how this has all affected me inside, I choose not to, but I am weary from it, truly run down, though I keep pushing through. I know the way out is through. I fought to get here, and now the fighter needs time to recover.
I am diving into the new position with the same tunnel vision. The new location has a few things I want to take care of immediately, and the new position has a few things I have to learn while on the job. The first couple weeks have required I put in some extra hours, but that shouldn’t last for long as I get up to speed, and bring the standards of the store to acceptable levels. There are a lot of you out there I need to catch up with. A lot of little things have been slipping past me. So I’ll be trying harder now to keep up with the people in my life. I probably can’t make you understand without some major explanations, so please have patience.
That being said, understand the most precious resource I have right now is time, and there are a number of projects that are going to require that time. Gearsecure has been neglected as much as people, and it is important I get that up and running, if only for Michael’s sake. We need something he can transition immediately to. I am still gearing up for the agent search. I have a couple people interested in wholesaling goggles and glasses from me, and in order to accomplish that, I may need to organize a work force.
There was a point in time where I looked at my life, and then looked across a vast gulf to the right path, the one I had set out on, the one I wanted to be on, and I set my sights on getting back. There were a number of points I had to reach in order to accomplish this goal. So far I’ve made my way through about half of them. I got the job in the place I wanted it to go. I got my writing heading in the right direction, including getting a fledgling writing group together. Physically, I’m about where I was several years ago. I’ll be trying to refresh on Japanese soon. I’ll start thinking about a martial art soon, and I’m planning some music stuff soon. There’s a few more points until I feel I’m truly on the right path, and I’ll let you know as I hit them.
So here’s the deal. I’m going to be able to be more social, and work on those relationships again soon, in a week or so after I’ve settled into the job a bit more. There are a lot of you, Willo, Karen, Doug, Chuck, Robert, Bobert, and on and on…but it’ll take time.
As far as projects go, I’m very excited about the direction “Inside” is heading in. I’m keeping the short version back, as that will be the book, what I put on-line is the greatly expanded, layered like ancient sediment, unabridged version. I’ll be releasing The Hidden faster. I want to get it out and done and on to the next storyline. I just got more lenses for goggles, enough to sell several. Plus I have more lenses for sunglasses. I have a new novel in development, something steampunk and fun.
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